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Allan H


Being sat in the hoose is getting me doon.
Wish I could go ootside, an’ head up the toon,
‘tis been a fortnight ah’ve been stuck in this room.
an Ah’ huvney stoped walkin, aroon an’ aroon.

That big box has gote a haud o’ me,
everywhere Ah’ turn, it’s all I can see.
ah’ switch the switch, but the switch, switches me,
the TV’s getting strange, feels like sorceree.

Ah’ walk tae the left, Ah’ walk tae the right,
but everywhere Ah’ turn, Ah’m in the telly’s sight.
pacing away aw’ day, and again aw’ night.
but the telly never goes aff, it shines so bright.

It’s the same auld programmes every day,
telling Me whit tae dae, an’ whit tae say,
“Don’t you dare leave this room, come what may”,
“This is ridiculous, kin Ah’ no’ get oot tae play?”

“Be a guid bhoy, an’ huv a look at me.
Ah’m here tae entertain, ah’ve gote loads tae see,
there’s news an’ views an’ stories for the familee.”
“But ye’ve gote witches an’ wolves, screaming banshee.”

“Dinnae be absurd, it’s only a story.”
“Aye, it’s a story aw’ right, but it’s also fechin’ gory.”
“Its’ yer imagination that makes it so scary,
sit back, put ye’r feet up,…..go on…. take it easy.”

“Err…ok….if you say so, Ah’ll gie it a try,”
“There, sit doon, have a cuppa, some chips and a pie.”
“Mm, suppose it’s nice, Ah’ll gie it a try.”
“But little did I know, I was getting ‘Square Eye.”

“Now reelaax, take the remote, go on gie it a go.”
“There’s films and documentaries, all sorts of info.”
“But Ah’m getting’ lazy, heavy, canny move. I’m in limbo!”
“Ha, ya Dafty, ye’ve turnt intae a couch potato-hohoho.”

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